A Video!

A little peek at the little guy these days...

Reflections Upon a Year

What a year it has been...

I don't think my life has ever changed so suddenly and so drastically in one mere moment. Getting married was a change, but it definitely was not a change like this. I won't lie, it was a GREAT year- full of moments that literally sent chills up my spine and make me cry with joy- but it was also one of the absolute, hands down hardest year I've ever had. I thought my first year of teaching was rough, but the first year of being a parent to my own child beats it hands down.

I wanted to jot down so I could remember why it was so great and why it was so hard. I will honestly say, too, that some little switch happens at a year. You pass that milestone and suddenly everything just feels better. I think there's something about going through all four seasons that suddenly made me whole heartedly accept this new life of mine and know that it's all a phase, just one phase after another. The phases I don't love don't last forever, but sadly, the phases I do love pass even quicker. I really understand that we've just got to keep trucking along, doing the best we can because one day, no matter what, we'll be back to a kidless house phase once again.

Lows

• Being alone. Staying at home with my children is always something I wanted to do, but I don't think you can ever be prepared for what it feels like to sit in a house all day by yourself with a baby, especially a new baby. I'd sit for hours in the nursery nursing a baby, and I only had time to do one small thing inbetween. It's the most lonely feeling in the entire world. I would sit and wish upon wish that I could just go back to work so that I could be out, around people, be my old self again and not have to just sit there alone in my house with no one to talk to. It makes me sad even today to think about it. I actually am so excited to have a newborn again (one day, not anytime soon), but I really will be glad to not be alone with that baby again. I'm glad I'll have Luke around to make sure we are getting out and being among people again. It was hard, so hard.
• Nursing a newborn. I nursed Luke every 1.5 hours. That meant I nursed about 45 minutes, had 45 minutes off, and then right back to it. It forced me to be the one to get up at night every single time. I had to be home all of the time so that he could eat, so it was even hard to get out of the house because I had to be back within 45 min-1 hour. It was just the most time consuming thing I've ever done, and I had to be the one to do it. There was really not much way for Trey to help until we gave him a bottle. As one of my friends once told me, it's worse than labor because it's constant over and over for weeks. But it did get better, and I made it through. And now I'm working on weaning him. I thought I'd be sad, but honestly, I'm totally ready and am excited to move on to what's next.
• Always being at home. It took a long time to get used to staying home even after we were on a better nursing schedule, and I was able to get out more. It was just hard because my life was totally different. I didn't know what direction to go in. I'm extremely extroverted, and I felt totally cut off from the world. I know a lot of people struggle with this. In fact, I went to hear a speaker and she said she was not a good newborn mom because she felt like she was in 'baby jail'. I totally understood that statement. Thankfully, I'm now so used to being at home I enjoy my time there more, and I actually choose just to be home many days. But it helps that we have many outlets to get out, so I feel ok being at home because I've chosen to be there, not because I have no where else to go. I still get frustrated some that we can't just go anywhere when we want to- we still have nap time to deal with, but even that's on the upswing. His naps are very predictable now, and since I'm not nursing during the day, I can leave and let Trey have him for a whole afternoon without worrying about taking the pump, missing a feeding, etc. He's slowly not completely reliant on me! I'm slowly getting myself back which feels good.
• Realizing how very hard being a parent is. This is rough. Everyday there's a new challenge. I have been stretched more this past year than any other. You want to be the best parent you can be, but there's so many things out there that sometimes give you a feeling of how much you're failing at this job. Luke's had trouble gaining weight and every time we have a bad doctor's appointment, I  come away with such a huge feeling of failure. What kind of a parent am I if I can't even get him to weigh enough? It's a horrible feeling. Then, you meet people and hear the great things they do with their kids, and you once again feel like you're not measuring up. Then there's a book by an expert that tells you what you should be doing, and once again you feel like you're failing. I've never felt such high highs or low lows in my entire life. They say love is enough, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. I have to remind myself often that I'm his mom for a reason, and I am enough. It's oh so very hard. I often wish for a crystal ball just to know if everything will be all right, but all I really can do is pray that it will be.

 Highs

• Watching him grow and change. I love that I've watched him go from a helpless newborn to an emerging little boy with a somewhat stubborn streak. The coolest thing has been watching his personality emerge. Even though there are some things that he does that I don't understand at all, it's still fun to watch him become the person he is. It's neat, also, to see parts of me or parts of Trey in him and what he got from each of us, and also parts of him from others in the family. I'm so excited to see more and more of him emerge, and I just have so much fun with him now. He's just so interesting, and I love learning more about him.
• Finding out how much love is in my heart. It's true when people say you don't know love until you have a child. It makes you so much more vulnerable to everything. It's as if your heart is worn on the outside of your body. But it's also so overwhelmingly happy at the same time. I feel more content with life because of how much I love him. I know that as long as I have my family, life is so much better. Even on the hard days, it's a good day because Luke and Trey are there. My heart is so much more open, and even though that's hard, it's so, so good.
• Living my dream of being a mom. I've always wanted kids, and I often find myself thinking why am I so fortunate to have all of these good things in my life. It's a little scary because I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm so very thankful for this life, and I find that I'm happier now than ever before despite the hard. I'm getting to do what I've always wanted to do, and I'm so thankful I have such a supportive husband who works so hard to allow me to do this. I love being with Luke, and it's a wonderful life. I realize that I have to thank God every day for these blessings, and I'm so thankful for this time I've been given.
• Deeper relationships. Not only has being a parent really opened my heart, but it's made room for deeper relationships with people that were already important in my life. Trey and I are now parents for a much more important reason, and I think that's made our relationship different but so much better. We're now truly related through this little guy. We're partners in this journey, and he's the best partner I could have ever asked for. While we sometimes stumble through, it just makes my heart sing to know that I have such a wonderful man to share this journey with and who loves Luke as much as I do. He's willing to give so much to me and him, I feel luckier than ever. I don't take any of him for granted because I know that having a good marriage and loving our child together is something to treasure. I'm so lucky to have him, and I couldn't have done any of this without him. He's been my beacon of light through the rough and calm times. My relationship with my mom has always been really good, but now it's so much better and I realize now how I could never have done a lot of this without her. After having a baby, I feel like your mom is the one true person who understands and can help you through it. She's been through it for one, and she's the one who's really taught you how to be a parent indirectly through your life. She's my rock I look to for advice and support, and I couldn't do this without her for sure. I only hope I can achieve even a small amount of the greatness that she is.
• Realizing how very wonderful being a parent is. This has been a wonderful, amazing, life changing journey. Yes, it's really hard, but it's also so wonderful. I'm so proud of my little man. He's truly the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm truly blessed that I was entrusted to be his mom and show him through this world. Yes, he's changed me, but in ways that I needed to be changed, and I'm a better person for it. I love waking up to his smiling face everyday and watching his peaceful face when he's asleep. My heart sings with joy at being able to live my life with him. Being a parent is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's true that the good far outweighs the bad. I love him and everything that comes with him. This life is good :)

Easter

This is the first time I can officially say that this was the second time Luke has celebrated something!

It's kind of exciting in one way to think that we're past all of the firsts (as holidays go) because all of the pressure of getting the first one right is gone! And, honestly, the first of anything is built up too much. I guess I can use that as my excuse as to why this easter, I completely forgot to get Luke a cute easter outfit.I did remember to buy a basket, but once again, I filled it with things I needed to get him instead of cute little things, but I don't want cute little things all over. Plus, grandparents did a great job of getting him cute little things, much cuter than what I would have picked out.

Luke had a great Easter. He went to childcare at church per his usual. It was his last visit to the little baby room. That's probably more sad than anything. He slept through our Easter dinner. We died eggs, and we 'hid' them for him, and he was so excited to 'find' them. We would point it out, he'd race to it, pick it up and throw it down, and then move on to the next one. It was hilarious! We were amazed how we kind of got what he was supposed to do!

Luke's Easter baskets. The left is from Grandma Jackson. He loves the books and bunny.

Easter outfit. Ignore his socks. And that it's too small.

 

Finding eggs!

Climbing into the toy basket, once again.

There's one!

Checking it out.

After another!

There were more in the kitchen!

Checking out his loot.

He still knows how old he is!

12 months= 1 year

Luke turned One!!

We got to use the last of his month onesies. It's kind of sad that we've closed the first chapter of his life, but we're excited for many more!!

How cute is this picture?!?

What's down there?

He's looking good!

Luke's new soothing move- fingers and stroking his own hair.

Sweet, sweet boy

• Luke's doing really well and developing just on schedule, or even a little early. His speech is ahead of where it should be, although his basic words are kitty, doggy, daddy, and hiya, but they're all 2 syllable and they only expect 1-3 at this point. 
• He's pointing at things ALL of the TIME. We're constantly telling him what things are and describing what he's seeing. He seems to like pictures and ceiling fans. Kind of odd but that's ok. I think he's really intelligent because he tends to pick up on things really quickly.
• He's still a tiny little boy. He's low on his weight right now- I mean, the kid's not even 20 lbs at a year. I'm feeding him as much as possible and we're giving him pediasure which is basically an extra calorie shake for infants. He's not failing to thrive or anything, he just doesn't put on weight very well. I never, ever thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever have a kid who can't put on weight. I mean, Trey and I are definitely not skinny people and we love food. I'm not sure where he gets his weight issues from, but it's very frustrating at times. I just pray that he's not a freakishly small boy when he gets older. That's kind of my worst nightmare, and I'm basically living it right now, but I hope that he continues to get bigger and bigger. I don't expect him to be in the 95th percentile or anything, but I would love for him to be at least in the 25th and stay there. I'm just not sure why his weight is so low, and it's hard to constantly be having to work on this issue. 
• He's still a super fast crawler. He pulls up and pushes his walker around (and other things like boxes, laundry baskets, his little ride on car, etc.) He still needs to work on his balance, but he's getting there. I think he'll probably walk between 13 and 14 months because he can go wherever he wants by crawling. I think the more he's around walkers, the more he'll start doing it. But I'm really not concerned about that because once he walks, he'll run. And I'm already chasing him around enough right now!
• Lately, he's been trying to feed himself with his spoon and comb his hair with his comb. It's pretty cute. He completely understands how to do it, but he can't quite do it by himself. It's pretty funny to watch him, though.
• Even though he's small, he is in 12 month clothes. It fits him length wise mostly ok, but it is a little big in the waist. If he's in cloth diapers, that's not a problem, though. Nine month stuff is mostly too short, but he can get away with it at times. He's still wearing size 3 diapers, also, and I don't think that will change any time soon.
• He had his 3rd haircut! One things this boy can do is grow hair. I'm amazed at how fast it grows!
• We're working on introducing cows milk.  He gets to drink whole milk- gotta get as much fat as possible into him. He seems to like it. He doesn't really gulp it down, but we all know he's never gulped anything down. I've been giving him the sippy cup to use more and more instead of putting the milk into a bottle. He's got the sippy cup with a straw mastered, so now I'm working on the kind you have to tilt backwards. That's been a little bit harder to introduce, but he is getting the hang of it. He's never been a huge fan of the bottle, and I don't really want to go backwards. He seems to be figuring out quickly. Like I said, he's not gulping it down, but he routinely drinks from it. I've dropped the feeding after his first nap, and he gets milk then right now. Later this week, I'll drop the feeding after his second nap. Then, it'll get really fun where I'll try and drop his AM feed which I'm not sure how that will be possible at this point. I guess he does gulp that feed down. I may end up dropping this feed last and drop the bedtime feed before. 
• Luke's still an early riser. He routinely gets up at 5:30, but I can get him to go back to bed by nursing him. This is why I'm very nervous about dropping that feed because I have this scary feeling we'll be up at 5:30 if he can't nurse back down. I'm not excited about getting up at 5:30 on a regular basis, but I guess we'll deal with it as it comes. It could always be worse!
• He's still taking is AM nap especially if he gets up earlier in the morning. If he sleeps in, then he usually will skip the AM nap. The PM nap happens regularly, the length is just dependent on how much of a morning nap he gets.
•  Overall, he's a very happy baby. He's so smiley and laughs all of the time. He's a busy bee, too. He's constantly on the move, and he plays constantly with his toys. I will say, I'm very lucky because he's so happy and loves to be around people. He makes friends anywhere we go. People constantly comment about how cute and sweet he is. I love him very much, and I'm so happy I get to share my life with him :) 

Here's a few more pics from his ACTUAL Birthday. Too bad baby boy was sick :( but he was still really cute :)

His fever was down for this picture. The PJ's are zipped down in order to get the thermometer in there easily.

We made him banana pancakes and sung him happy birthday again. He's so confused and so not feeling good again.

My mom reading him a book. He was definitely not feeling good here. But it's a sweet picture.

He got this chair from Kristin. He looks pretty cute in it!

That evening he was feeling good enough to climb in his toy box with his stuffed animals. I LOVE this picture :)

Luke's First Birthday Party

We are so fortunate to have wonderful family and friends who came to help us celebrate our little man's first birthday! I thought the party went really well, and I even had a great time with everyone. Unfortunately, Luke did not feel great at his party and even got sick right after, but he still gave us some good Lukie smiles at times.

Eating breakfast the morning of the party. He's throwing out a pretty good skeptical face.

He took a long morning nap, and know he's all dressed in his party overalls!

He's ready to greet all of his guests.

Luke's first birthday cupcakes! I made blue velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing.

We hung balloons for a little pizazz and then had his month pictures up under neath. It was neat to see his progression through the year.

The spread. I do think it all tasted pretty good :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made this banner with scrapbook paper and die cut letters that my mom did at school. We still have it up :)

People hanging and eating. We hung balloons above the food,too, for a little festive flair.

Singing happy birthday to our 1 year old!

Kind of tasting it.

I cut it up for him, but he still found the candle more interesting.

Trey and I are laughing about his lack of participation in eating his cupcake. Oh well!

Hanging out and talking

Opening presents

Sunglasses! How cute!

Big Family Pic (minus Lauren and Jason who had to leave early)

He didn't feel too bad. He still wanted to throw the tissue paper.

Playing with his toy from grandma and grandpa Jackson.

Moore family pic

Jackson family pic

Our little family

Happy Birthday, Luke! We love you!

Eleanor and Olivia's First Birthday

Our dear friends, Tyson and Kristin Wallis, have twin daughters who are just three weeks older than Luke. We went down to Houston to celebrate their first birthday party. We enjoyed the party and festivities even though Tyson couldn't be with us to celebrate. I think he would have approved whole- heartedly with the party; Kristin did a great job!

Everyone hung out down by the pool as the festivities were beginning.

Elle and Luke got to ride around in style in the wagon.

Elle and Luke also got some snacks as they rode. Elle was nice enough to let Luke try out her birthday present.

Elle and Liv with their cakes.

Elle wasn't thrilled with her party hat, but they both look very cute.

Trey and I. not bad.

JoLee and Jonathan

Lara and David

Luke playing with rocks. He moved them to one place and then moved them again.

Corinne and Dave

Luke found a cool ball thing to play with inside.

We stayed the weekend with Lauren and Jason which was fun. We got to hang out with them during the day on Saturday before we headed out to the party. It was good to see them, as always. :)

Lauren and Luke chilling together on the couch. They're pretty cute, huh?

Lukie loving life at the Harvilles.